confessions [of a Mel] post.people.pleaser.

 Have you ever known someone who seemed more nice than real?

Always sweet. eager to help. you say "jump" they say "how high?" kind of folks. 

I think they've been called: people-pleasers.

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...yah, that was me for many years.

I used to think as long as I kept everyone happy, and never offended anyone... then all was well.

But it wasn't.

Because there's a whole lot of wrong reasons for trying to be 'nice'.

You're afraid to offend, because that could lead to rejection.

Or you don't want to disappoint.reject.hurt any one.

Or you just want to 'keep the peace' since conflict is uncomfortable.

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These are the personalities you often find in 'social work' settings.

They are the 'rescuer' that wants to help everyone.

The bleeding heart that want to jump to the aid of every need. 

They give. give. give...

...and eventually, they may just burn out.

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It feels like you either have to clone yourself to face all the demands, or just turn tail and run!

...after over eight years of social work (with teens) I have seen my share of this effect,

both in my life and others.

There are so many heart-breaking stories out there.

The more you intertwine yourself the more you can feel unravelled.

It was in these hardships that I had learnt a few valuable lessons.

To quote a past co-worker: 

"One person's emergency, is not your urgency".

This is a valuable reminder.

 Not every need in the world has to be rushed to and rescued by me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating jerk-ism!  But I do see the importance of knowing what my priorities are and allowing that to dictate the choices I make.

What this looks like in reality...

...taking time to smell the flowers instead of running frantically to the next crisis.

Recognising that an uninterrupted conversation with my family is more important than running through the wall to answer a ringing phone.

Saying "no" to people when I know I can't give what they need... and not feeling guilty.

 Seeking to be more real, than just playing nice.

I figure that's the best way to be a pleasing person, instead of a people-pleaser.

What do you think?  Agree, disagree?  I welcome your 'realness' here too.

Mel ;o)