(M.M.25) oh, baby?!

Welcome back to an (exciting) edition of Monday Mamalogues:

'linking up to share the beauty and breakdowns of motherhood'.

Isn't it amazing how one simple (extra) blue line can change your entire world?!

I wonder how many of us have looked at these pregnancy tests with a mixture of fear + hope, excitement + panic, heartbreak + joy... to see what answer will appear there.

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Soooo.. remember a few weeks ago when I was all like 'wish I could blame my extra chubby feeling lately on being pregnant.. but I'm NOT!'... and how tired I've been lately, and how my iron must be low?

 Well the joke was on me... I was/am freakin' pregnant after all!!

I know, right?

Total craziness.

We really must have got into the crazy sauce here.. because that baker Ben snuck another bun in the oven.

I can't even begin to tell you how UNLIKELY this 'should' have been.

It's like being hit by lightning, three times in a row...

(Not that I'm comparing our kids to lightning, though they do have a way of lighting up our life!).

So yes, it was a real shock for us.

Especially since we were so convinced we were done at two.

In fact, when my family had recently asked us if we wanted more I had chuckled: "Pfffff, no, unless God has a sense of humour!"

Well, the heavens are laughing.. much like I was when I saw this test result (granted, mine was more of a maniacal nervous cackle).

Ben may still be rocking in a corner somewhere... I'm not too sure.

But don't get me wrong, this is not an accident .. I could never call a precious soul that.

This is a wild, happy, crazy surprise that's going to teach us afresh to depend on God for the grace to grow through each new moment!

 Granted, I may be looking a lil' green in the process.

You may recall that babies don't like me.. and try to destroy me from the inside out.

I keep trying to yell down at my tummy "SYMBIOTIC relationship, ok??!!  Not parasitic.. stop trying to wreck me here".  I still have the health card picture from my last pregnancy to show my zombie face with blood shot eyes!  Thankfully the little magic pill Diclectin has managed to keep me holding the food down each pregnancy.

Most days still feel like I've had one too many spins on the carnival tilt-a-whirl.

I also just want to sleep, all day, every day.

Not really an option of course.
But I must say that Ben is being an ACE husband around here!

Oh, did I mention I'm two months along?

I even got to hear the heartbeat already!.. and see the lil' bean with hands and feet waving at me (out of their armpits - picture this).

I am excited to have the same midwives back, they delivered both Azriel + Hudson!

 So here we are.

Two years between each child basically.

A full, wild house of blessing and breakdowns!

I probably won't be documenting this pregnancy with a walk down the produce aisle like I did with our 'womb-fruit' Hudson.  But I'll keep you updated along the way.

Now you know why I haven't had the energy to be extra creative lately...

I'm busy making a masterpiece! 

So, the secret is out!

(Although I did dream of just wearing this t-shirt around as an announcement).

Ha, now I want a unicorn.  But I'll settle for a healthy boy or girl.

In all seriousness though, our family would appreciate your prayers.

Heath for baby, energy for mama, real employment for daddy.

Yep, that would be awesome sauce.

Glowingly yours,

Mel ;o)

(M.M.24) first comes love.

Welcome back to Monday Mamalogues,

linking up to share the beauty and breakdowns of motherhood.

Hello there lovelies, bear with me as I get a bit mushy, sentimental... or something like that.  Again.

That boy.  No, not the little one in front.

That guy, the one I married.

In this stage of life - with the cute kids crammed in between us - it can get easy to lose sight of each other.  I think at any stage of life there's always things that want to get in the 'way' of truly seeing/being with your partner.

Work.

Schedules.

Hobbies.

Stresses.

 T.V.

Like any relationship, it's either growing or shrinking according to how intentional we are about it. 

Most afternoons (during nap time) you'll find my guy and I trying to catch some 'us' time over tea, reading and talking together (if I'm not passed out on the couch from the heat of the summer).

Most evenings you'll drive by our house and see us perched out on the front step (the illusion of 'getting out' while the kids are in bed)... we chat, tease, discuss, and pelt each other with crab apples from the tree.

I really do love that bearded baker guy.

He has all my respect and admiration, especially as I see him growing in grace and a God-ward heart.  I want to be more like him, but... less facial hair.

The more time I spend with him, the more I want to spend with him.

I think we 'owe' it to our kids to ignore them occasionally.

You know, to make sure we aren't always ignoring our partner.

Give the kids some 'quiet play time' or pop a video in.. or tie them to a chair.

Then turn off the phone, t.v's, pagers... all the distractions and just be with your love.

You may just start giggling like you used to when you first started dating... and stuff.

How do you keep your partner in sight in your daily chaos?

mama Mel ;o)

[M.M.23] patriotism and paternity.

Welcome back to Monday Mamalogues,

'linking up to share the beauty and breakdowns of motherhood'.

"Not only am I cute, I'm Canadian too"

 It's Canada Day on Monday... a holiday for all, to celebrate who we are as a nation.

None of us get to request which country we are born in... but I do feel privileged to live in this country (most days).  We're a funny lot, us Canadians... and I think the notion of 'patriotism' is probably lost on most of us around here.  If you cut us, we won't bleed 'red + white'... but we may just ooze out maple syrup and Tim Horton's coffee.

Now, I'm not a fan of hockey or hunting,

nor do I like Molson beer or deep fried 'beaver tails'.

But I love that our nation is growing more multi-cultural each year.
And most of us can trace back just a few generations to discover our descendants came from various lands across the pond.  I'm Scottish-based myself. ;o)

Now, I've always been more partial to people from other cultures... and feel more 'at home' amongst them.

I hope our kids are also raised to see people from all walks of life and feel a sense of brotherhood with them.

No matter what corner of the globe we hail from.

Or the colour of our eyes, skin, hair.

Regardless of the way we speak, or language we use.

We all share the same Maker.

We are one.

So to you fellow Canadians.. I wish you all a safe and happy holiday monday!
The rest of you lovelies... stay well out there.

mama Mel ;o)

*Do you ever wish you could raise you kids in different culture?  If so, where?
*What's your background?
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P.S..  today is the FINAL day for google reader to work... if you follow through that format you'll likely want to hop over to my BlogLovin' account or add my Facebook to stay tuned!  Thanks. 

[M.M.22] double blessing.

Welcome back to Monday Mamalogues:

'linking up to share the beauty and breakdowns of motherhood'.

Our computer has been running slower than molasses lately,

my husband thinks it may have something to do with the 8 gazillion photos/videos I have crammed in here...  hmmm..  maybe so smarty-pants.

So in an effort to sort/shuffle/ween the pile I went perusing down memory lane.

Instead of a cleaner computer 'picture file'... I made a collage! 

It's always so bittersweet looking back.

Seeing these two and how they are growing.

I really hope they savour the unique bond they have as they grow up.

Sure they'll wrestle, tease and taunt.

But they'll also comfort, support and embrace each other.

This week I had my first glimpse of that sweet moment... when the older sister was having a dramatic *meltdown* about her toy being stolen by little brother, he pushed the toy aside, crawled over to her and stroked (then whacked) her hair and clapped to make her stop crying.

She snuffled, looked up at him, heaved a sigh, and then dragged him in for a big hug (choker hold style).

Sure, it's like watching a miniature Of Mice and Men: where even in their attempts to show affection, they abuse each other... but it's still adorable.

Maybe that's why I'm always so eager to capture a picture of these two... a double exposure of blessing to look back on.

A full computer of memory overload.

A full heart of memories too!

Maybe I should get my act together and create another one of those online scrapbooks!

How do you organize your memories?!

mama Mel ;o)

[M.M.21] mama's mode/mood:

Welcome back to Monday Mamalogues, friends!

'Linking up to share the beauty and breakdowns of motherhood'. 

I'm not proud of every moment as a mama.

Sometimes I'm just a hot mess.

I lose my patience, I fuss, I fume.
And as that crazy old saying goes: "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy".

Because parenting doesn't come easy.

There are moments that will strain and stretch you.
And if you're already battling sleep-deprived exhaustion, you'll feel ready to snap.

For me.. it's that cry-whine my kids have mastered.

You know, when they don't get their slice of life cut exactly to their liking.

The squeals that are unleashed... like fifty knives scratching down a chalkboard.

My eye starts twitching, my blood starts boiling.

I want to throw something very, very far.

Now, as of yet, I'm not a yeller.

But I can seethe the words out through my gritted teeth with such a snarl somedays.

"That's ENOUGH whining... I don't understand you when you WHINE... STOP it!!" I'll spit.

(If you're not a mama, you'll likely think me impatient... but if you have a kid, you know these graceless moments checker our day-to-day parenting).

 These are the scary moments that reveal our true heart condition.

Whether you're a parent or not, we all have sponge-like hearts.

 The stresses, angers and frustrations of life squeeze out our true attitude.

That statement kind of scares me... because I don't like what I see in my own heart.

I don't like how easy it is for me to start seething inside.
Or how quickly I give in to a bad mood or pity party.

Especially on Sunday mornings!

The day we're (trying) to get ready to meet with our church family and praise God... is the morning I feel most frustrated, exasperated, rushed, angry and exhausted.

My heart is like a rumpled heap of dirty laundry... and I get overwhelmed by the thought of tucking it all in and pretending it's pretty with the crowds.

Yesterday was no exception.
Despite coming home encouraged by a great message, the dam quickly broke in my heart, spilling out all sorts of frustration and anger... when the kids wouldn't go down for their naps according to my *schedule... my plan* (especially since I really wanted to nap myself!).
Exasperated I sat at the table, fuming.
All the while wondering why my heart is so fickle to love and rage like this.
Then I saw this raw post packed with truths (worth the read!), 
and then I hear this:
"A comforting theme throughout the Bible is that God is not near the sufficient, but the broken and desperate heart that has come to an end in itself".

And I am reminded afresh that this is not just about me.
Striving, straining, stressing to be the Mom that can 'handle' it.
  I'm reminded that we mamas are the 'mood setters' for our home.
Is my nest charged with exasperation of celebration?

So, in my mess, in my brokenness.. I can be encouraged.
I am in the perfect place to let Christ's love and strength work through me.
When the squeezes of life grip my heart...
...may those Living waters flow out.

Day by day I keep learning the lesson afresh,
mama Mel ;o)

What mood do you set for your home?
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[M.M.20] imperfect parenting.

Welcome back to Monday Mamalogues:

'linking up to share the beauty and breakdowns of motherhood'.

Do you ever wonder if you have what it takes to be a good parent?

You know, to not screw up your kids completely?!

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Sometimes it feels like we're navigating ourselves through a gauntlet (read: guilt.let!).

We wonder if we are engaging our kids effectively enough.

Are they playful and social  - or are they the first one to bite the other kids?

We worry that we are getting enough nutrition in them.

Whether it's all organic - or macaroni and cheese!
Whether they use cloth diapers or disposable.
Attachment parenting or hyper scheduled.
Formual or breastfeed.
Homeschool, unschool, or pre-school
...the list goes on.. and on.. and on.
 ---
At every step and stage of child rearing there are a thousand (differing) voices hollering:
"are you a good enough parent for your child??!"

And there's an ocean of books and opinions out there telling us how to 'best' parent, too.

We can find ourselves drowning in the choices and voices.
---
It's good to be reminded right about now, that kids are resilient!
No matter how we succeed (or fail) throughout this parenting journey.. our kids are growing up into their own little personalities...
And you know what?  Your best is enough for them.
Perfection is not required of you.

(Granted, that 'coming-of-age' moment when you first realize that your own parents don't have ALL the answers in the world.. is a bit shocking).

But now, as I look back, it seems that the best impact a parent can have is through a role of loving availability to their child.
(For me - that love is the outflow of holding to the God of love).
Not perfection, not all the answers.
Just being there.
In all our mess, in all our weakness.
Living out love.
One day at a time.

You're doing a good job mamas.

*What's one of the best lessons your childhood taught you?*

mama Mel ;o)

[M.M.19] Savouring these sweet seconds.

Welcome back to Monday Mamalogues:

linking up to share the beauty and breakdowns of motherhood.

Ok, so this week I just have to gush a bit more about this guy.

Our chunk of Hudson is now entering his 16th month... and lately he seems so long (which we say since he's still a crawler, maybe if he walked we would say he seems so tall!).  Now when I go to nurse him it feels like I need to drape him across my lap.. and the couch!

So, that's weird.

It's just been hitting me lately, he's not my little bundle of baby pudge anymore.

I'm missing that stage already.

I'm also freaking Ben out with murmurings of: "how about just one more baby....?!"

Although we both still feel exhausted from this guy's terrible sleep habits.

(Side-note: when your baby cries during the night.. you always want to have the adoption agency on speed dial.  But when you see that sweet cherub fall asleep in your arms you suddenly want to hold them forever!  Parenting, it's bi-polar).

I keep reminiscing about how adorable they were as babies.

I keep wondering what characters they are going to grow in to.

I keep trying to savour the moment I'm in right now with them...  

Looking back, looking ahead, looking here.

Do you find yourself caught in this constant state of flux as well?

As for right now, I love how he beams a big toothy grin at me every time I see him.

How he squeals when his Dad or sister *chase* him.

How he goes wide eyed and "OOOoooooohs" at every truck driving past.

How he can undo the bolt under our dining table (despite how tightly we screw it back on).

 These little moments, I don't want to forget.

What do you want to remember right now with your kids?

Feel free to link up today!

mama Mel ;o)

[M.M.18] second.hand stories:

Welcome back to Monday Mamalogues:

'linking up to share to the beauty and breakdowns of motherhood'!

Annual 'Neigbourhood' Yard Sale.

'Steals on Wheels'...this is her "smile" now too.

Washing off the "baby goobers" she says.

Dinosaurs enjoy building towers.

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We aren't avid yard sale goers at this stage of life.

The prospect of hauling kids in - and out - of the car for every little curb side treasure hunt is not very appealing to us.

So, when our city does an annual yard sale that encompasses blocks of homes (so you can just keep pushing the stroller along) I'm eager to go!

We scored a fun, albeit modest, amount of goodies this year.

Azriel picked out this great bin of wood blocks.. and we happily handed over one shiny dollar for it!

Most toys around our nest get baptized before enjoyment.

I'm no germ-a-phobe, but I like to think the toy is getting a fresh start here.

I've said it before, but I really prefer our purchases to be second-hand (thrifted, op shop, etc).

Sure, it's cheaper.  But, it also comes with a story.

 I feel like the object has a history, or some life experience it brings with it.

A few wrinkles, a few scars, maybe a scratch or dent.

I like the messy 'real' things vs. the shiny plastic superficial ones.

I guess it feels more authentic, right?

It seems like a better reflection of ourselves... an imperfect masterpiece.

A curious treasure with some scrapes along the way.

And if we can look at an object and wonder at the story behind it,

how much more so should we look at our family, friends, strangers... everyone.. and see the story in them.

Some of us are shiny, and some of us have more dents than we'd like to show...

...but we all have a story, our story.

And our children, well, they're reading it right alongside us.

mama Mel ;o) 
P.S. This is the last day to enter my birthday giveaway - winner announced tomorrow!!

[M.M.17] still holding on...

Welcome back to Monday Mamalogues!

'Linking up to share the beauty and breakdowns of motherhood'.

Yes, this bundle of pudge still falls asleep in my arms.

Yes, it melts my heart every.time.

The hardest part is heaving him into the crib letting him go. 

---

Thanks for all your encouragements last week, when I announced my partial return to the 'work world'.  So far it's been a nice transition.  I enjoy my work and am eager to play with colour!

Coming home to my family is like Christmas every time too... this lil' guy comes racing (crawling) over to me and clings like a koala around my neck.  Daughter Azriel tends to pretend she didn't even notice I was gone... yeah, that stage.  Either way, I soak up all the snuggles I can to last me through the work days... and savour time spent with them all the more (except when the whining drones on.. that's still hard to enjoy).  But I adore them!

So, here we are - both parents working'ish... both home with the kids'ish.

Two - or three - shifts a week, just enough to keep the balance.. balanced.

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This blog may seem a little topsy-turvy as we all try to find our rhythm here.

Days at work means spending the days in-between on household duties/visiting/everything else!  Blogging will be the bonus when/if I have the energy for it.

But I hope you'll stick around, friends - you're still a sweet part of my world here!

*Stay tuned for tomorrow's giveaway too!* 

Feel free to link up to today's random mama rant with anything on your mama heart,

Mel ;o)

[M.M.16] when to wean...

Welcome back to Monday Mamalogues:

'Linking up to share the beauty and breakdowns of motherhood'.

 The bond between mother and child is so amazing, isn't it?

I always love to hold, snuggle, cuddle our kids close.

I'm a *touch* love language kind of gal.

So, for me, breastfeeding has always been a beautiful moment to literally flow love right into my baby.  For over a year now, 4 - 5 times a day... we have our little affection feast.

Me, staring down at him with wonder.

Him, gazing up at me with his big blue eyes.

 Now, as most babies tend to do, he's getting bigger... and bigger.

Those pudgy fists are now foraging for food, instead of being the helpless hands that once lay on my neck.

 Those chompers are getting bigger too!

Nothing makes you more eager to wean a kid than when they test their *bite* on your tender bits!

Soooo, needless to say, the time for weaning seems to be upon us.  But to be honest, I'm in no rush.  Because, I really... reaaaallly am struggling to let go of this baby stage with our Hudson.

He's totally a mama's boy.

And I'm just as much wrapped around his pudgy finger.

Maybe that's why he still wakes once (or more) times in the night... because I just can't let him 'cry it out'... I want to hold him, nurse and comfort him.

I think it's the 'last child' factor.

 Since Ben and I are fairly *certain* we're done spawning more kids... its makes this stage all the more significant to me.

He's the last baby I'll nurse.

The final use of the bassinet, and crib.

Clearing baby clothes from the dressers...

Weaning - like change - is sometimes hard to face.

But changes keep coming... some of which require me to wean him sooner than I may like.

 Oh, how my heart does a bittersweet <squish> when I think of how deeply I love these kids.

When I think of how their yesterdays have vanished like hour-glass sand.

When I think of how small their hands once were in mine.

How tiny their bodies were snuggled beside my heart.

They keep growing.

More to love.

They keep changing.

More to learn. 

When will we wean from these things?

Hopefully never.

mama Mel ;o)

[M.M.15] and a bridge between...

Welcome back to Monday Mamalogues!

'Linking up to share the beauty and breakdowns of motherhood'.

Looks like winter has finally loosened it's grip... and now we've jumped straight to summer!

Ben even broke out the shorts today, and daughter Azriel squealed:
"Daddy, you're not wearing any pants!!"

So it made for a fun hike on a glorious day.

Our skin is sun kissed, and our hair wind blown.

Aren't family hikes the best?!

(ok, other than the kids whining about their need for snacks + no more walking!) 

What adventures do you love doing with your fam?

Mel ;o) 

 

[M.M.14] professional fence sitter.

Welcome back to Monday Mamalogues!

'Linking up to share the beauty and breakdowns of motherhood'.

 Today I'm just going to 'put it out there'...as I've been hesitant to write on this topic for about, oh, two years now.

Because it's a daunting topic to me.

Because there's pros/cons to both sides of it's debate.. and passionate contenders on each end.

Because I'm still stuck right in the middle... the fence sitter expert now.

 Soooo:

To homeschool, or not to homeschool.

That is the question.

See?  The very issue already has those familiar buzz words likely coming to mind?

'socialization vs. isolation, education vs. indoctrination...'

Let me first say that I don't think there is only one right answer here.

Each family makes their decisions based on their convictions, I respect that.

I'm just trying to lay out our concerns/goals/hopes about this issue.

I've avoided it.

Stalling the need to address it.

 Trying to hold back the clock.

But, our little girl is getting bigger... and we can't hide from the decision much longer.

I keep trying to weigh out the issues.

Filter them according to 'right' and 'wrong' motives.
Trying to live out 'grace-based' parenting instead of fear-full reactionary approaches.

But, there's still a lot of fear mixed in there... muddying up my clarity to decide.

(Though, when I read articles like this I start to wonder...)

 Ben is always more pro-active and wise in his approach, I'm a bit more emotional... and debate it out with him every so often:

"What if we send her to school and she gets her poor widdle feelings hurt??!!"

or

"What if we keep her home and I can't teach past 2 + 2 ?!!"

Highly logical thought processes happening here, as you can see.
At a deeper level though - we really want to be intentional about being present with the community God's placed us in (i.e. schools/neighbours) and not 'cloister' ourselves away.
Although I know that IF we did homeschool.. we'd be sure to do it in a co-op/group approach.
Back and forth my heart sways...
 

Anyway, all that to say, I don't know what to say!

We still feel lost in transition here too.. in that we may attempt moving in a couple(?) years and wonder if we should just *keep* her until we settle somewhere.  But that's not even sure yet either.

Ok, I've shared where I'm at... the debate still continues.

Now I'm curious, if you have kids - what motivated your decision to homeschool or not?

Even better, if you've blogged about it in the past.. feel free to link it up below today!

Thanks for hearing me ramble,

it still motivates me to address this decision afresh.

muddled mama,

mel ;o)

[M.M.12] and then this sweetness happened...

Welcome back to Monday Mamalogues!

Linking up to share the beauty and breakdowns of motherhood.

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So this...

....so these two.
I can't even.

Too.much.cute.

smitten mama,

Mel ;o)

[M.M.11] ...just because.

Happy (Easter) Monday Mamalogues!

'A link up to share the beauty and breakdowns of motherhood'

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 Because somedays Motherhood feels like an endless game of whack-a-mole.

Because the kids seem to co-conspire to unravel your last thread of sanity.

Because a baby-wipe looks like the closest thing you'll get to a shower in a day.

Because keeping shoes/pants/hats on your child is tantamount to torture.

 Because dumping yogurt all over the cracker is just how she likes to eat it.

Because food is all they want alllllll day... except when a meal is served.

Because your husband comes home and thinks your right eye is twitching.

Because you have to abruptly end a phone call with "oh she's pooping!!" (#pottytraining101).

Because some days you wonder how your heart can hold such a BIG love for such little folks.

Because you see a mini-you and a mini-husband in their eyes.

Because you melt when they snuggle in close to your neck.

Because they crack you up in a new way every.single.day.

Because after the babies are sleeping, the laundry is done, the dishes are washed... and the house (for a brief moment is quiet).. you sit and realise how blessed you truly are. 

.......

Yes, for all these reasons, and more... are the answer to: 'why are you mamas so crazy?'...

crazy in love with these lil' nutheads.

What are your reasons?

Feel free to join in with your own mama-rants and rejoicings!

Mel ;o)