confessions of an (unlikely) homeschooling mama:

"The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled" - Plutarch.

There is a new glow crackling and warming up this heart of mine.
A fire that once seemed frightening and engulfing, is now one I eagerly dance around and roast marshmallows by.

It's been a wild ride, seeing how my heart was trapped on the fence for so long about whether I could hack being a homeschooling mama.. and now feeling what I do (joy) about it all.

Because, I used to have so many concerns, fears and frustrations about this issue.

I had all the 'arguments' one would use against such a decision down pat.

I also had all the common excuses, too.

The big (nasty) one being: 'how could I handle being around my kid all the day long?!'

But now, the joy of watching these children learn, explore, play, laugh and engage in this amazing world around them - outweighs the crazy with such deep awe.
I'm really savouring this time I have with them.
We've been learning so much already, and I've seen a huge shift in my outlook.
The biggest change for me being: the pursuit of intentional/teachable moments.

I think I always struggled with viewing myself as 'teaching material' because I wasn't intentional about weaving discovery, wonder and learning into our average days.
Learning to learn like a child again.  What a thrill! 

Homeschooling isn't easy, but it's good.  Like most things in life.

Before we decided to go ahead with this, I always feared what a furnace it would be for my heart.  I feared what frustration or anger would boil up in me when faced with the hurdles along the way.  But I'm learning to trust God's providential hand - and timing - in every.little.crazy thing that comes my way.  So if the lesson doesn't go as planned, or the kids are all taking turns to wail and whine on my lap, and the phone is ringing, and the dish water has turned cold... there is a peace in the chaos. It turns out this furnace is a refining one.

And, like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego (Daniel 3)... I am not standing in the fires alone.

Once again, I am seeing... this home, this crumb cluttered floor... is holy ground.

Mel ;o)

 

growing new eyes.

So, when I was young, I knew everything.

Now that I'm getting older... I see how much there is to learn.

When I was a teenager, I painted a mural with the quote:
"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes" (Marcel Proust)  I thought I was painting my sage-like perspective on that canvas.

Now that I'm older, I see those new eyes fluttering open.

There's an incredible re-birth that a parent is granted.

You get to see the world afresh through their dewy new eyes, and marvel at the things your eyes forgot were remarkable.  And the questions!  'Why is that the way it is?' 'Where does it come from?' 'How does it do that?'

And you start to see how little you really know,

and how glad you are to embark on this 'real voyage of discovery' right alongside them!

 

Today we watched the life cycles of a butterfly.

She coloured in a few of her favourite ones from our recent trip to a butterfly conservatory.

We hiked down to the river, collecting rocks, flowers and clam shells.

(Were they clams, mussels, or oysters? Thanks internet - clams!) 

God's wild world of wonder is unfolding new wings before our hungry eyes.

The marvel and the mystery.

The gratitude and the glee.

The wonder and wisdom.

 This mama's heart is in it's own metamorphosis.

Mel ;o)

small steps, big leaps.

Do you ever wonder if the next step towards change is going to transform you, or cause you to stumble?  It's hard to trust that the 'leap of faith' off the proverbial cliff is going to let you fly, instead of crashing into a mangled mess on the rocks below.

But currently, I feel the wind beneath these fragile trembling winds.. and I am excited to share with you friends the changes on our horizon!

After keeping our oldest daughter (Azriel,5yrs) home for junior kindergarten year, and then sending her off to try out a local Catholic school for her senior year... we've recently decided to homeschool her for (at least) this next school year.  Maybe that doesn't seem like a big deal to you, but if I'm being honest there was lots of internal 'freaking out' and paper bags involved.  Because, I am not the type who embraced this idea right off the hop.

There were the silly reasons - like, "I'm just not creative enough to teach her".

The selfish reasons - "Will I ever get a moment to myself?!"

The socialisation reasons - "Will she be isolated from her peers?"

I was the champion of listing pros + cons for both sides of the debate... but after sitting on the fence for the last couple of years, it was starting to chafe.

So we are stepping out, and I am seeing the joy - instead of sheer panic - about this choice.

There's a lot more I could say, but for now just a few points:

We chose this path for our daughter (for now) because we believe it fosters her well-being. She has blossomed over the summer in ways we were delighted to witness, and have noted that it is in direct correlation to the quality time spent with her family/friends.

This does not mean we make homeschooling our 'gospel' and assume it's the best choice for everyone.  I respect the convictions and choices each family makes for what is best for their children.  Like many of the debates in our culture - this one seems rather polarising as well.  I'm not out to convert or convince you to homeschool (my many homeschooling friends will be the first to tell you that I often questioned their reasons, in fact!)  It is probably ironic to them that I am now on this side.

But maybe we don't need to make it about 'sides' with this issue.  Let's just hold to the conviction to be on the side of our children's growth and health... and encourage other parents to do the same.

For now, I'm just feeling so blessed to know that this sweet gal will be by our side a whole lot more this school year!

Mel ;o)