confessions of an (unlikely) homeschooling mama:

"The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled" - Plutarch.

There is a new glow crackling and warming up this heart of mine.
A fire that once seemed frightening and engulfing, is now one I eagerly dance around and roast marshmallows by.
It's been a wild ride, seeing how my heart was trapped on the fence for so long about whether I could hack being a homeschooling mama.. and now feeling what I do (joy) about it all.
Because, I used to have so many concerns, fears and frustrations about this issue.
I had all the 'arguments' one would use against such a decision down pat.
I also had all the common excuses, too.
The big (nasty) one being: 'how could I handle being around my kid all the day long?!'
But now, the joy of watching these children learn, explore, play, laugh and engage in this amazing world around them - outweighs the crazy with such deep awe.
I'm really savouring this time I have with them.
We've been learning so much already, and I've seen a huge shift in my outlook.
The biggest change for me being: the pursuit of intentional/teachable moments.

I think I always struggled with viewing myself as 'teaching material' because I wasn't intentional about weaving discovery, wonder and learning into our average days.
Learning to learn like a child again.  What a thrill! 
Homeschooling isn't easy, but it's good.  Like most things in life.
Before we decided to go ahead with this, I always feared what a furnace it would be for my heart.  I feared what frustration or anger would boil up in me when faced with the hurdles along the way.  But I'm learning to trust God's providential hand - and timing - in every.little.crazy thing that comes my way.  So if the lesson doesn't go as planned, or the kids are all taking turns to wail and whine on my lap, and the phone is ringing, and the dish water has turned cold... there is a peace in the chaos. It turns out this furnace is a refining one.
And, like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego (Daniel 3)... I am not standing in the fires alone.

Once again, I am seeing... this home, this crumb cluttered floor... is holy ground.

Mel ;o)



stones + streams (thoughts on faith)

An encouragement to weary pilgrims,

There will be times in the journey of faith,
When your heart feels like a rock,
You feel unmoved, impermeable,
To the presence of God.

There will be times,
When prayers seem to bounce off the ceiling,
Landing like lead upon your heavy chest.
Pray harder still.

There will be seasons,
Where even the attempt to pray,
Feels like rolling a boulder up His holy hill.
Keep pushing upward.

There will be seasons,
You feel lost in the parched desert,
The memory of a lush garden all but forgotten,
Keep staggering towards home.

There will be days,
His Word seems dry and barren,
The stone tablets crush your spirit,
Keep reading still.

Remember the One Who made you,
The One Who took your heart of stone,
Gave you a heart of flesh.
To pulse with love for Him and others.

Remember the difference,
Between stones on the shore,
And those in the stream,
The smooth ones are in the stream.

Keep immersing yourself,
In the living waters,
Even the rocks give way,
To that holy washing.

Mel ;o)


growing new eyes.

So, when I was young, I knew everything.
Now that I'm getting older... I see how much there is to learn.
When I was a teenager, I painted a mural with the quote:
"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes" (Marcel Proust)  I thought I was painting my sage-like perspective on that canvas.
Now that I'm older, I see those new eyes fluttering open.

There's an incredible re-birth that a parent is granted.
You get to see the world afresh through their dewy new eyes, and marvel at the things your eyes forgot were remarkable.  And the questions!  'Why is that the way it is?' 'Where does it come from?' 'How does it do that?'

And you start to see how little you really know,
and how glad you are to embark on this 'real voyage of discovery' right alongside them!
Today we watched the life cycles of a butterfly.
She coloured in a few of her favourite ones from our recent trip to a butterfly conservatory.
We hiked down to the river, collecting rocks, flowers and clam shells.
(Were they clams, mussels, or oysters? Thanks internet - clams!) 

God's wild world of wonder is unfolding new wings before our hungry eyes.
The marvel and the mystery.
The gratitude and the glee.
The wonder and wisdom.

 This mama's heart is in it's own metamorphosis.

Mel ;o)