We.is.dumb spells wisdom...

I'm hesitant to write this post.
Why?  Because it's like walking into a maternal mine.field.
But I just have to share what has been such a dramatic.miraculous.sanity-saving change in our nest!

In one night our wee Hudson went from fussing, cranky, fitful sleeping (and feeding almost every HOUR)...
...to sleeping for three - four hour periods and being much calmer and content during the day!

Yes, the last month and a half of having this newborn were about to stretch our sanity to the point of breaking.  
We called it colic.  
We called it gas.  
We called it every other @#(%$! we could think of! 

We were wondering when this stage would ever end, and if we would be able to endure much more of it.  Wishing we could pack the luggage bags hanging under our eyes and run away.

What happened to the notion of a fantastic four?
  It felt more like a frazzled four in our crew.
What changed to make this family start smiling again?
Everything... every single approach to parenting I was trying with Hudson.
We (I should say Azriel) found the book.
The book that guided us in raising her from infancy... gave us confidence as parents to discern her needs.  She was even sleeping in her own room through the night by 3 months!

What book?
If you haven't heard of it... it's pretty famous (for good and bad) some say it saved their lives.. other critics say its cruel and dehydrates babies even!  
But if you read the book you'd see that only a nut would deprive their baby when its hungry - and it clearly calls for balance between the two approaches of feeding:
 hyper-scheduling  vs. attachment parenting. 

I fear that Crunchy mamas (and if you're one you know the term) are likely aghast right now.
But this is just my personal experience saying... we were co-sleeping, feeding on demand, rarely letting Hudson cry (for various 'justifiable' reasons at the time)... and slowly going more insane.

What I love about this book is that I resonate with so many of it's goals:
Keeping your marriage the priority for your family... not being swallowed up in a child-centred home.
Letting your baby have a healthy cry when you know he's fed/clean/burped. 
Having a flexible schedule that assures mama and baby when the next feeding/wake time/sleep are due.

Flexible structure.
That's the oxymoron I want to shape our home in so many ways.
Like placing a lattice in your garden... I want to create a stable structure for our kids to freely grow up around.
To have a rhythm in our home they can 'dance' to.

So much better for my head space - and our family - then the chaos factor.
Sorry if that post sounds like an infomercial for this book (no, I'm not being bribed to endorse it by anyone).  I totally understand if it's not the way you choose to raise your babies, and I'm not judging others for how they approach this issue.

I just had to share this amazing transformation at our nest, 
especially if it even helps one other frazzled mama find the needed direction and resources to recover her sanity.

Feeling less dumb, more baby-wise.
Rested mama,
Mel ;o)

P.S... We're also referring to our ToddlerWise book for issues facing Azriel too! Ha.


  1. Andrew Von Zuben13 April 2012 at 09:35

    Hi Melissa,
    Our first baby was a colicky baby.
    He would cry and cry regardless of having been fed and changed, loved and cleaned.
    We learned to let him cry and self-soothe.
    We don't think it is wise to apply one parenting style to every child.  Each one is different.
    If you have the baby's best interest at heart, then you will know better than anyone what the best approach is.

  2. We used 'Babywise' with our three kids. Everyone is healthy and slept through the night by 2 months. Now at the ages 5, 4, and 1, they eat and sleep well and so do we!!! 

  3. ps. Hudson is so chubby! Love him <3

  4. We have been there.
    Auren, our first, was the same. Fed, cleaned, warm, snuggled, he still cried. It was hard. It seemed the only time he slept was in the baby wrap on the front of me.He wanted to nurse all the time. It was when he was about three months that we had to just let him cry. Meeting all his needs first of course. He went into his own bed in his own room and had scheduled feedings. What a difference. This little dude is now almost five now....with a new set of challenges. 

  5. I found that book immensely helpful to me too. -RV

  6.  I'm pretty sure it made her look that much cuter too.. heh. ;o)

  7.  Oh I feel your pain on that period of parenting.. that colic time is so straining on everyone.  I was doing that approach too (wearing him) in the early weeks - as my midwife had suggested - but after my gall bladder surgery... I couldn't carry him anymore - which was so frustrating!  Amazing how fast they grow eh?  Thanks for stopping by the nest Kira... and again, happy birthday!! ;o)

  8.  Heheh.. I know.. he's in 6month clothing and not even two months yet... eeek!  More to love I say. ;o)

  9.  Well thats an endorsement for sure.... good to hear!  Love to your crew Amy! xo

  10.  I totally agree Andrew, thanks for posting!  It's not a cookie-cutter approach that assumes each child is a clone, but a format to encourage any child to respond within according to their temperament...at least, that's how I would apply it.  As with any book/approach - you apply what you can and discern what's best for your child for sure. :o)

  11. Melissa,
    So glad to hear that things feel better! I will keep this book in mind for friends (I have one in mind right now) and who knows, maybe myself down the road (if we're crazy enough to have another baby!). As a mama and a homeopath, I get a lot of questions about parenting but I am cautious about giving too much advice because in my experience, every family works differently. Making all of these decisions as parents can be so overwhelming and frustrating! You try to do your best, do what you think is right and the combination of lack of sleep, the 'right' things not working (whatever you happen to think is right at the moment) and the huge weight of responsibility can make a mom and dad feel extreme frustration and hopelessness. I completely understand your situation (our guys are 21 months apart in age). There were many nights when my hubby and I looked at each other and said, "what the f*#k have we done!"

  12.  Ha... wild ride eh?!  It's a wonder any parent - or child - survives some of these crazy dips and turns during the crazy cycles of the first few months!  We're even more in wonder at how quickly our guy has improved and responded to changing up our 'parenting style' - overnight success - WOW!
    Soooo, just going to say it again - you look GREAT for having 2 babes!! xo

  13. I think it's kind of sad/unfair that mamas often feel scared to share their point of views here in public forums because they fear a backlash of negative responses to their chosen method of parenting. I am so very happy that you dive in and let us in on your experiences - good and bad. It helps others know they're not alone - and that is so very important.I am so very glad to hear that sleep has finally been found in the house of Inglis! Sleep deprivation serves no purpose, except upping the stress & frustration quota of a day!
    Also? The idea of a flexible structure sounds blissful to me. The visual you gave of using a lattice to help plants grow up & around on is just so perfect.

  14.  Thanks for your kind words sweet Caren!  You must be getting packed - and a little excited maybe - for your big trip soon??!! eeeeep!  So excited for you gals! xo

  15. I applaud you for being open about struggles like this. I only know Babywise from reading about it and I have to say I've not read anything nice, quite the opposite to be honest, so this post did shock me a little but because I only know about it from reading what I've read I shall not judge and I can see and read that your little family is loving and lovely. :) So hugs to you Mama.


  16.  Aw, hey there Nev! Thanks for sharing, and yes, its wild the amount of backlash that book did get from certain camps.... though as I read it, it seemed to make so much sense (tho, as with any book - you take some, you leave some).  Hope you and your sweet crew are keeping well too! xo


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