You'll find my nose in a book much more often than a blog lately, friends.
Thus, this corner of the interwebs is growing some cobwebs... but thanks for being here.
Can I share with you where my heart's growing though?
I was reading this book the other day (can't recommend it enough) and this quote jumped out:
"My spiritual life languished when my first child was born. This wasn't her fault in the least. I was under the false assumption that the Holy Spirit comforted, guided, and assured me only when my schedule was cleared out or when I had my journal sitting on my lap. I thought that I couldn't hear God if there was noise in my life"
My head starts nodding like those dashboard hula dolls.
My heart starts shouting 'that's US, that's us!'.
How often I have fallen for the trap of thinking that God is not in the whirlwind of babies wailing.
That His fingerprints are not seen in the Nutella smudges across a clean table cloth.
How often would I mutter under my breath "I'll spend better time with the Lord when this child is not needing me every.moment.of.the.day". I would think back to my 'quiet times' as a young adult, sitting cross legged on my bed in a sunbeam, scribbling my thoughts into endless journals and feeling I was so close to God.
Then the fog of motherhood clouded out those 'quiet moments' it seemed.
At least... for a while it did.
But, His grace pursued me.
The cross started to shine through the chaos.
It's due in part to many helpful books along the way, in part to many prayers on our behalf, in part to a revival in my husband's heart, in part to many steps along the way... that all point to the FULL reason: God's grace to whisper through the weariness of my heart.
A heart that was weary of trying to be 'good enough'.
Forgetting that Christ came for sinners.. not the 'keeping-their-nose-clean' ones.
A heart that was sleep walking through the 'survive another day' approach to living, instead of having 'eternity stamped on my eyeballs'.
Do you know how I've started hearing God better again?
By staying in His Word.
I used to just flip it open for a quick 'guilt removal', as if inserting a few rushed over verses into my day would give me a fresh 'face lift' and let me shine another day. I called it cosmetic Christianity: just enough to smear over the cracks in my facade.. but not enough to soak deep in to my soul. I don't want to skim over a passage anymore, I want to stay there. To meditate on what is truly being said. To let Christ shine from the pages.
It's like an old radio.
Remember how you turn the dial through endless noisy static and finally break upon the music loud and clear? I think we so often wonder why we can't hear God in our daily lives.. when it's because we are stuck in the static zones. We are tuning in to the T.V, we are satiated in social media, we are feeding our souls on the fluff. Half the time we are stuck in these zones because they seem easiest. It seems to difficult a chore to pick up the Bible, after a day of endless giving. You actually want to 'tune out'. But then... afterwards you feel even more despondent.
Tune the needle of your heart to God's Word... read the Bible slow and steady, and pray that He will speak through it to you. He doesn't ignore that prayer.
I've discovered that if you keep stacking the kindling around your heart (solid sermons, wonder-full worship, beauty books, persistent prayers) God will light the altar of your heart ablaze.
Maybe this all just sound too 'religious' but I can tell you it's real.
His Word is a treasure far vaster than all the gold of Middle Earth.
(A helpful tool to mining it can be found here.)
Thanks for hearing my heart,