For a mama who is literally *never* alone, there are still times that feel painfully lonely.
Maybe it's true for most mothers - this battle with isolation.
It seems odd, that in light of all these wee ones around us continually vying for our attention, that we could feel alone. It seems confusing that despite all the frequent play groups and visitors throughout the week that this feeling can persist.
I'll tell you when I feel most alone... is after an especially difficult day with the kids.
After all the wailing, rebelling and disobedience has pushed me to the brink.
After the anger has boiled my blood and shook me down to my very marrow.
After my hands are quivering from the strain of trying to hold back this wild beast inside.
The battle of speaking firmly - but calmly - while my insides are screaming.
Trying to keep that monster of anger stuffed inside is isolating.
Because it feels like you're the only one who sees it.
Like, a dirty secret.
Secrets separate us.
When my husband comes home and asks 'how was your day?'... and I give him that wild eyed stare. The 'PTSD (post toddler stress disorder)' kind of stare that says, "I'm barely keeping it together here".
He gets it.
He knows me.
But still, not enough....
There's a loneliness that runs deeper than your soul mate can reach.
This is the kind of heart ache that is a megaphone crying out for the deepest connection.
The reunion of my heart to the heart Who made me.
He alone knows me deepest.
Sees my heart.
Loves me still.
Every other distraction we seek to fill this void will leave us empty.
Feasting on Facebook, tuning out to television, burying ourselves in books, pursuing pleasures, exercising excessively.... any good thing we try to turn in to the ONLY delight, becomes an added obstacle to true fulfillment.
'Our hearts are restless, till they find their rest in Thee' - Augustine.
Weary mamas, fatigued friends, I hope you know where to find the deepest rest.
To be known in the deepest intimacy possible, and loved extravagantly through grace.
I pray that you would taste and see He is good,
Yes, His love is better than wine.