confessions (of a mama) part.20.

For a mama who is literally *never* alone, there are still times that feel painfully lonely.
Maybe it's true for most mothers - this battle with isolation.
It seems odd, that in light of all these wee ones around us continually vying for our attention, that we could feel alone.  It seems confusing that despite all the frequent play groups and visitors throughout the week that this feeling can persist.
I'll tell you when I feel most alone... is after an especially difficult day with the kids.
After all the wailing, rebelling and disobedience has pushed me to the brink.
After the anger has boiled my blood and shook me down to my very marrow.
After my hands are quivering from the strain of trying to hold back this wild beast inside.
 The battle of speaking firmly - but calmly - while my insides are screaming.
Trying to keep that monster of anger stuffed inside is isolating.
Because it feels like you're the only one who sees it.
Like, a dirty secret.
Secrets separate us.
Prevents intimacy.
Prevents into-me-see.
When my husband comes home and asks 'how was your day?'... and I give him that wild eyed stare.  The 'PTSD (post toddler stress disorder)' kind of stare that says, "I'm barely keeping it together here".
He gets it.
He knows me.
But still, not enough....
There's a loneliness that runs deeper than your soul mate can reach.
 This is the kind of heart ache that is a megaphone crying out for the deepest connection.
The reunion of my heart to the heart Who made me.
Christ Jesus

He alone knows me deepest.
Sees my heart.
Loves me still.

Every other distraction we seek to fill this void will leave us empty.
Feasting on Facebook, tuning out to television, burying ourselves in books, pursuing pleasures, exercising excessively.... any good thing we try to turn in to the ONLY delight, becomes an added obstacle to true fulfillment.
'Our hearts are restless, till they find their rest in Thee' - Augustine.
Weary mamas, fatigued friends, I hope you know where to find the deepest rest.
To be known in the deepest intimacy possible, and loved extravagantly through grace.
 I pray that you would taste and see He is good,
Yes, His love is better than wine.

Mel ;o)



  1. bravo friend~~ what beautiful and desperately needed words!

  2. Amen and amen. Thank you for this timely confirmation.

  3. Humbled to be a channel of His reminders and 'confirmations' to you, sweet soul. xx See you soooooon!

  4. aw, thanks so much ~ words for us all! xx

  5. hang in there mama. i can't even imagine what it is like with 3 children but, i know the feeling. and often i think it is because we give and give and then at the end of the day, we have nothing left to give ourselves. hope you are having a great summer. xoxo

  6. hehe, thanks friend, appreciate you popping in to *give* encouragement! True, giving is relentless - but I'm thankful it empties me enough to be gratefully filled by God's grace afresh. happy summer mama! xx

  7. Very nicely said! This is an important reminder for all us moms out there. Thank you!

  8. Thank you Rach, those 'simple truths = satisfy ourselves in Christ alone' are the ones we need daily reminders of, eh? Miss your sweet crew, hugs! xx

  9. Hello! Thanks for taking the time to pop in, glad you enjoyed the visit. ;o)

  10. I tucked my 3 sweets in, kissed my hubby goodbye as he left for work...& the loneliness hit. One movie, check of email & Facebook, a chapter in a book, some pinerest pinning, & three blogs...still lonely in the deep heart. Thank you for reminding me I'm looking in all the wrong places

  11. aww Beckie, thank you for your honesty, I'm so encouraged that this was a timely reminder for you (as well as me) ...hugs to you. ;o)


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