confessions [of a mama] part.11.

 Confession: Nothing in life makes me feel more bi-polar than being a mama.

If you have/had toddlers in your nest, I trust you can relate.
Those moments when your terrific kid becomes a terror.

They dribble milk over your laptop.
Jump on the couch with painted hands.
Poke/bite their baby sibling (or playmates...sorry friends!).
Shriek worse than Tolkien 'ring-wraiths'.
Whine endlessly for what you've already refused them...

... now, I'm only a patient mama for so long.
The tea kettle of frustration starts it's high-pitch squeal in my heart... (you can almost see the steam coming from my ears)!
In these intense moments, it scares me how bi-polar I feel.
That the daughter I adore with every molecule in me... can trigger so much anger.

 These are the times we take a break for 'fresh air'.
See, good mamas take their kids to the park for the exercise outside...  I go for the 'public accountability' to not throttle my child in the privacy of my own home! ;o)
I figure it's better I be behind these jungle gym bars... than prison ones!
(Lord, I hope you're not a new reader and think I'm being fully serious here.. don't call Children's Aid!).

Anyways, this is the truth:  Play dates/park dates... are really just the necessary measures of keeping this mama sane some days.

 For it is here that I give myself a 'time-out'... laying back on the slide, I look up into the blue sky and breathe the prayer: "God I need Your grace right now, I've got none left".
Meanwhile my daughter is oblivious to the fact that I'm 'freaking out inside'... and comes giggling down the slide for her signature 'smash mom move' (video seen here)!

And in no time.. we're both giggling, tickling, cuddling together.
The anger goes as quick as it came.
The diabolical daughter becomes a delight.

We are both reborn again.

I'm guess this crazy.cycle will likely be set to 'repeat' until she's past her teens!
Though I'm not sure when I'm supposed to 'grow out of it'.
Yep, bi-polar mama here.... please tell me your relate?

Gosh, we both have so much growing up to do.

Mel ;o)


  1. You're doing a good job Mel :)

  2. Being a parent means so many huge emotions all at once! Big joy/ big frustrations, big fun/ big responsibilities... It makes us all feel mad at times! The park is where I can really relax too. Away from all of the responsibilities at home, I'm finally able to relax and really play and fully be with my children instead of being sidetracked by all of the distractions and obligations around every corner at home. Have fun at the park!

  3. from one mama to another.....i relate! we have the park, the outdoor breeze, blue sky and our children's laughter to shake those moods. when all else fails a long hot bath once the wee little ones are tucked away ;)

  4.  Aw thanks Liz, and you're right!  Those long hot baths sound lovely.. around here it still tend to be a fast frantic shower before the lil' dude decides he wants me! lol ;o)  No, they are a delight.. about 85.5% of the time!!  Love to your sweet crew. xo

  5.  True true.  Go BIG or go home eh? ;o)  I think you're a  pretty fun mama at the park too by the way, hehe. xo

  6.  thanks luv.  You're kind to say so! xo

  7. Oh goodness yes, completely relate!  It is when all 4 monkeys push to the fullest extent that not only do I "go out for air" as you put it, I physically get in the car & drive away (when Daddy is home that is)... usually to go & pick up something needed for said monkeys. Then the steam vanishes & I miss them & come home.  lol.  I have also timed myself out & went behind a closed door for a minute or two. lol. The cycle of mama love. How can these little ones bring out the absolute BEST & WORST in us & sometimes within seconds of each other?  So amazing all the things they teach us!  Loved you in the playground "jail"... that made me laugh buckets!!!

  8.  Isn't it such a crazy wild ride eh?  I totally know what you mean tho.. those times I'm desperate for a break - and once I'm away - MISSING them like crazy!! lol...  So glad to have the 'Dad' here too.... I honestly don't know how single mamas do it - more power/grace/love to them!.
    Yah, I saw those 'bars' and thought.. I have to get behind them! lol

  9. It's hard, of course. BUT, so many of us say we can nip out for a bit when dad gets home for a break. I think about single moms all the time, with no help, no money, no car....imagine THAT? Yikes. I used to want to shake mothers when I heard them yell at their children, now that I'm a mom, I just want to help them. I have gained a lot of perspective from thinking about how other people struggle. I also bring myself back to reality by saying, " thank you God, for giving me an active, healthy, energetic child" a sick or disabled child wouldn't be able to do things my monkeys can. HOWEVER...yes, I too head outside for public accountability now and then....by god, the shenanigans!
    I also weep with joy at naptime and bedtime, I'm no saint after all, but it doesn't hurt to try! Hang in there mamas.....only about 18 more years to go!

  10.  Yes, true for sure!  Perspective is always gained by looking outside ourselves and seeing the trials others face too...  and as I said below, I honestly don't know how single moms do it.. I am always soooo relieved when my man comes home! ;o)  Thanks for stopping by the nest!


Thanks for dropping by our nest, I love to hear from you!