[M.M.21] mama's mode/mood:

Welcome back to Monday Mamalogues, friends!

'Linking up to share the beauty and breakdowns of motherhood'. 

I'm not proud of every moment as a mama.

Sometimes I'm just a hot mess.

I lose my patience, I fuss, I fume.
And as that crazy old saying goes: "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy".

Because parenting doesn't come easy.

There are moments that will strain and stretch you.
And if you're already battling sleep-deprived exhaustion, you'll feel ready to snap.

For me.. it's that cry-whine my kids have mastered.

You know, when they don't get their slice of life cut exactly to their liking.

The squeals that are unleashed... like fifty knives scratching down a chalkboard.

My eye starts twitching, my blood starts boiling.

I want to throw something very, very far.

Now, as of yet, I'm not a yeller.

But I can seethe the words out through my gritted teeth with such a snarl somedays.

"That's ENOUGH whining... I don't understand you when you WHINE... STOP it!!" I'll spit.

(If you're not a mama, you'll likely think me impatient... but if you have a kid, you know these graceless moments checker our day-to-day parenting).

 These are the scary moments that reveal our true heart condition.

Whether you're a parent or not, we all have sponge-like hearts.

 The stresses, angers and frustrations of life squeeze out our true attitude.

That statement kind of scares me... because I don't like what I see in my own heart.

I don't like how easy it is for me to start seething inside.
Or how quickly I give in to a bad mood or pity party.

Especially on Sunday mornings!

The day we're (trying) to get ready to meet with our church family and praise God... is the morning I feel most frustrated, exasperated, rushed, angry and exhausted.

My heart is like a rumpled heap of dirty laundry... and I get overwhelmed by the thought of tucking it all in and pretending it's pretty with the crowds.

Yesterday was no exception.
Despite coming home encouraged by a great message, the dam quickly broke in my heart, spilling out all sorts of frustration and anger... when the kids wouldn't go down for their naps according to my *schedule... my plan* (especially since I really wanted to nap myself!).
Exasperated I sat at the table, fuming.
All the while wondering why my heart is so fickle to love and rage like this.
Then I saw this raw post packed with truths (worth the read!), 
and then I hear this:
"A comforting theme throughout the Bible is that God is not near the sufficient, but the broken and desperate heart that has come to an end in itself".

And I am reminded afresh that this is not just about me.
Striving, straining, stressing to be the Mom that can 'handle' it.
  I'm reminded that we mamas are the 'mood setters' for our home.
Is my nest charged with exasperation of celebration?

So, in my mess, in my brokenness.. I can be encouraged.
I am in the perfect place to let Christ's love and strength work through me.
When the squeezes of life grip my heart...
...may those Living waters flow out.

Day by day I keep learning the lesson afresh,
mama Mel ;o)

What mood do you set for your home?
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