confessions [of a mama]. part.1.

I used to be a rock.  You could throw "Bambi".. "Old Yeller".. or "The Notebook" at me.. and I would barely get a misty eye.  That was then... B.C. (before child)... now I'm living in A.D. (after delivery).  The first time it happened was day seven of my daughter's life.  I thought I would read to her from the book of Ruth (her middle name).  Now my midwife had warned me I may get 'weepy' from all the new emotions.extremes.hormones.lactation.craziness-of-it-all in the first few weeks.... but I was unprepared for this.  The ugly cry.  So, yes, I was reading Ruth, and I got seriously overwhelmed by the kindness of Boaz (the older guy) to Ruth (the uber-committed servant girl)... and started bawling.  Yes, who knew.. I have tear ducts.

It didnt' end there.  Now you just have to throw a sappy commercial at me.  Puppy dog eyes.  A dad holding his daughter high in the air...  and I'm a gonner.  Even Disney is killing me.  I think it's rated 'G' for 'gooey'... since that's what I turn into now, a blubbering mess.  We were watching the old school "Homeward Bound" with our daughter a few months ago... and when they do the big emotional homecoming - I was losing it!  My husband laughed as I had to run in the kitchen and blubber through making dinner - as I squealed "is the golden retriever going to make it??!!!!"

Fast forward to today.  (First confession.. yes I am posting though I said farewell for the weekend).  I decided to go rent something my daughter and I could cuddle up and relax with for the afternoon.  "Bolt" looked fun... and yes, it's freakin' hilarious - Rhino the hamster... great!  But then it happened again - introduce the all too familiar plot of the bond of love between master and pet/ parent and child.... and i was bawling.  The ugly cry again.  It gets real ugly since I am trying to not freak out my daughter... so I'm attempting to look like I'm laughing.... which is just hideous I'm sure (Joker-esque even?).  So there you have it.  I am no longer made of stone.  My daughter must have melted away my stoic heart while she was growing in there...   do other mama's out there relate?  Am i the only nut-case that bawls at Disney now?
 

[bonus points for the locals who can guess where this statement is graffiti ed in town..!]

In the end I would much rather have my heart this way.  Trying to be 'tough' by not showing your emotion is actually the weakness of fearing to show your feelings.  I lived like a rock for quite a while in the past I think... and I would much rather be the puddle of ugly cry that I can be now.. because it feels alive.  Feel more, it's ok.

Red-eyed and content,

Mel :o)