I used to be a rock. You could throw "Bambi".. "Old Yeller".. or "The Notebook" at me.. and I would barely get a misty eye. That was then... B.C. (before child)... now I'm living in A.D. (after delivery). The first time it happened was day seven of my daughter's life. I thought I would read to her from the book of Ruth (her middle name). Now my midwife had warned me I may get 'weepy' from all the new emotions.extremes.hormones.lactation.craziness-of-it-all in the first few weeks.... but I was unprepared for this. The ugly cry. So, yes, I was reading Ruth, and I got seriously overwhelmed by the kindness of Boaz (the older guy) to Ruth (the uber-committed servant girl)... and started bawling. Yes, who knew.. I have tear ducts.
It didnt' end there. Now you just have to throw a sappy commercial at me. Puppy dog eyes. A dad holding his daughter high in the air... and I'm a gonner. Even Disney is killing me. I think it's rated 'G' for 'gooey'... since that's what I turn into now, a blubbering mess. We were watching the old school "Homeward Bound" with our daughter a few months ago... and when they do the big emotional homecoming - I was losing it! My husband laughed as I had to run in the kitchen and blubber through making dinner - as I squealed "is the golden retriever going to make it??!!!!"
Fast forward to today. (First confession.. yes I am posting though I said farewell for the weekend). I decided to go rent something my daughter and I could cuddle up and relax with for the afternoon. "Bolt" looked fun... and yes, it's freakin' hilarious - Rhino the hamster... great! But then it happened again - introduce the all too familiar plot of the bond of love between master and pet/ parent and child.... and i was bawling. The ugly cry again. It gets real ugly since I am trying to not freak out my daughter... so I'm attempting to look like I'm laughing.... which is just hideous I'm sure (Joker-esque even?). So there you have it. I am no longer made of stone. My daughter must have melted away my stoic heart while she was growing in there... do other mama's out there relate? Am i the only nut-case that bawls at Disney now?
|[bonus points for the locals who can guess where this statement is graffiti ed in town..!]|
In the end I would much rather have my heart this way. Trying to be 'tough' by not showing your emotion is actually the weakness of fearing to show your feelings. I lived like a rock for quite a while in the past I think... and I would much rather be the puddle of ugly cry that I can be now.. because it feels alive. Feel more, it's ok.
Red-eyed and content,