It's Monday Mamalogues!
~ let's share the beauty and breakdowns of motherhood ~
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Do you ever get hit with one of those profound epiphany moments that makes you go.. woah?
I had one recently (and I wasn't even on the toilet)...
...
...
The thought: 'how one's upbringing can shape their outlook on the world'.
Do you ever catch yourself saying/doing something and think "that's just the way my mother did this"?
(The way you check your teeth in the car visor mirror.
Or, how you slice your peanut-butter sandwiches.
Maybe even how you look in the mirror and sigh..."does this make me look fat?")
This may cause you great angst, joy, sorrow, delight... depending on how you view your mama.
Sometimes it startles me how much - as a grown up albeit pretending adult - I can still be influenced by my upbringing.
Whether good or bad.
Whether good or bad.
Now, I'm not going to get all Dr. Phil on you.. but the impact of our childhood experience can have have far-reaching ramifications. (A classic example in my own life was battling that 'fear of silence' issue).
This isn't a counselling session on recognising what motivates you based on your parents role...
but a reminder of what motivates us based on our children's reliance.
What the what, Mel?
This isn't a counselling session on recognising what motivates you based on your parents role...
but a reminder of what motivates us based on our children's reliance.
What the what, Mel?
Ok, the epiphany.
So I was hearing all these women at a Bible study share how they couldn't always understand God's grace (a love that can not be earned, but freely lavishes itself) because of their upbringing.
"I knew if I disobeyed my parents, I'd be in trouble... and have to work back at getting on their good side" said one.
"I feared my parents anger" said another.
"I was abandoned at an early age" said one more.
....
In light of these backgrounds, these women were then viewing their relationship with God through that framework.
"I need to work hard enough to merit God's love".
'If I mess up, God will be angry".
"I'm not lovable".
(Which would all be a big fat pile of lies, by the way).
......................................................................
Anyway, after hearing all these women share... it struck me that we (mamas) carry such a huge responsibility/privilege to influence our children.
D'uh.
I knew before that it was a big deal, this motherhood thing.
It just never quite hit me like this... that even as adults, my kids could be viewing their relationships, their careers, even their faith... through a filter we designed.
I pray my kids will grow up with a strong framework of truth.
Knowing that they are loved. Unconditionally.
Knowing that nothing they do - or don't do - will affect that.
I want to leave a legacy of Love.
One that points to the source of Love.
It's a high calling, this motherhood thing.
mama Mel ;o)
* Any and all mamas from any and all walks of life are welcome to link up today with their own thoughts/pictures/laughs about motherhood!*
So I was hearing all these women at a Bible study share how they couldn't always understand God's grace (a love that can not be earned, but freely lavishes itself) because of their upbringing.
"I knew if I disobeyed my parents, I'd be in trouble... and have to work back at getting on their good side" said one.
"I feared my parents anger" said another.
"I was abandoned at an early age" said one more.
....
In light of these backgrounds, these women were then viewing their relationship with God through that framework.
"I need to work hard enough to merit God's love".
'If I mess up, God will be angry".
"I'm not lovable".
(Which would all be a big fat pile of lies, by the way).
......................................................................
Anyway, after hearing all these women share... it struck me that we (mamas) carry such a huge responsibility/privilege to influence our children.
D'uh.
I knew before that it was a big deal, this motherhood thing.
It just never quite hit me like this... that even as adults, my kids could be viewing their relationships, their careers, even their faith... through a filter we designed.
I pray my kids will grow up with a strong framework of truth.
Knowing that they are loved. Unconditionally.
Knowing that nothing they do - or don't do - will affect that.
I want to leave a legacy of Love.
One that points to the source of Love.
It's a high calling, this motherhood thing.
mama Mel ;o)
I've been reading a really interesting book lately, The Self Illusion by Bruce Hood. I'm really interested in the way we are, we humans. And the way we shape our thoughts and identities. Anyway, the more I read this book, the more I see that all the love that Johnny and I have been pouring into our kids is helping to shape them into little people who feel strong, unafraid and happy because they are deeply loved. I try to remind the kids often that the best thing we've got is our love. One day I said to Eamon, "do you know what the best thing is that we have?" And he said, "gingerbread friends!" Lol! But, I know they get it. Whether a person is a spiritual person or not, what you are saying is true for everyone. Our identities, minds and spirits are shaped so much by our first few years. And we are so lucky when we are shaped with LOVE ♥
ReplyDeleteYeah, motherhood is no joke. Excellent post Mel. It's scary to think we're in charge of a lot of our child's development. And we have no control over what they remember, or what in particular will stay with them. I pray that God will watch over my children and shield them from my mistakes, and help my successes to have more impact.
ReplyDeleteThanks for being here Cristi - yes, it's quite the adventure for us all isn't it? It's also shown me the 'bigger picture' so much more often for how very patient God is with me... loving me in all my messes! ;o) xx
ReplyDeleteGingerbread friends are pretty great! lol But yes, maybe those Beatle dudes were onto something - 'love is all you need'... in a lot of ways. Our kids won't have all the latest toys and trinkets growing up.. but they'll get loads of love! You're a great mama ;o) xx
ReplyDeletemy friend Tricia who is in her first trimester were just talking about this yesterday. she, because her whole family delivered in hospitals, right away went to an obgyn. it wasn't until she watched the business of being born a few nights ago that she actually considered a midwife. without even knowing, she is already making decisions for her child not necessarily based on who she is but on how she was brought up. it is hard this job of mothering.
ReplyDeletemy link up post today is not really based on motherhood. more like venting. but i wanted to link up. xo
I guess it's true for so much of life... how many decisions/choices we make without examining how we may be 'pre-conditioned' to do so,,, wild stuff. Venting mamas are always welcome here.. lol! xx
ReplyDeleteSOO true and such a great reminder. Thanx for sharing!
ReplyDelete