4.20.2012

being.human

 Confession: I used to think I was pretty 'together' 'swell'... alright, a downright 'fantastic' person.
Then, I got married.
Then, I had children.

Nothing quite holds the mirror of 'reality' up to my face as much as these factors.
In their eyes I see where I fall short so often... as a wife.. as a mother.
No, no... this isn't a woe-is-me post... I'm trying to say how important they are for helping me grow and find a better balance in my day.life.heart.soul.

This guy.  My ben.
He knows me better than I do it seems.

This week's example:
I was all amped up to take part in a fast-approaching craft show.
(Trying to test how quickly I could 'bounce back' from having a newborn and toddler in the nest... and still pump out my crafts for sale).

Ben was graciously sceptical.
We had a lengthy discussion about the feasibility of such a venture currently.
I believe he may have used the words "manic"... "obsessed" ..."fabric and projects all over the house"...
Yes, my creative side is like a wild dog that wants to tear into a project and toss it everywhere.
(This blog is one way I can 'toss it a bone' by giving it a creative outlet for the day).

My artsy side was having a hissy fit.
"I wannnnt to do this show"!
"I just need an hour a day to craft... really"!

But, he knows me.  He knows how it will consume my every spare moment.

Then he said it.
"We all have our passions.hobbies.interests, babe.
But, we chose these kids... they're our priority".

Bam.

For being the cougar in this relationship, he trumps me with his wisdom!

I knew he was right.
But the artist in me was still trying to bark for a mistrial...' we need to reconsider the evidence'.
I needed to leash it in.
I needed an epiphany... and it came:

"I want to err on the side of presence"!
I declared.

I want to 'err' on the side of being more present with my children right now... then on trying to prove I can fill a craft table.

Years down the road, they won't remember the cool 'stuff' their mama made...
 they'll remember if I was present or not.
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**Yet again, a disclaimer:  I'm not saying I need to give up being creative.. I'm still crafting at a 'sane' pace (and aiming for a fall/winter show hopefully).  I think its a good example to be crafting with/amongst the kids.... not to the exclusion of them. 
---------------------------------------------

"To err is human;
to forgive, divine"
Alexander Pope

I'm so grateful His divine hand uses these souls to guide me in grace.

How do you find your balance?

Seeking to be creatively present,
Mel ;o)

13 comments:

  1. There isn't much of a balance is there? :)  I can't remember the last time I touched my sewing machine this month, but Reg and I have had tons of fun outside.  We only have a limited amount of time left together to play until his sister ruins his life for a little while, lol!  Then we'll be even more off balance for a bit.  In a few years I can sew more steadily... maybe :o)  A small and worthy sacrifice for all the kiddos out there!

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  2. Aw, as well as your presence your kids will remember what an ace, creative, kind, loving, beautiful mum they have, who also found time to make crazy awesome stuff, I have no doubt!

    (Where/when is this craft show? Please say it's after 8th May?)

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  3. Hi Mel
    It seems the older I get the less I know.  I remember 'knowing so much' and 'being so sure' when I was young and then I got married and had kids and then my kids grew up and now I feel like a child in a flower garden for the first time.  The learning never ends and there is so so much to learn about life.  There was a time (about 8 years) that I put art on the shelf and worked with my husband towards the goal of living a life in art.  Many times I've had to stop and 'do less' in order to be a good mother and wife.  All those times of 'not' making art helped to infuse the art that I eventually did make with clarity and vision. Doing less has always served me well.  You will feel so much more grounded.  Your family will feel so much more content.  All this will enable you to tiptoe once again into 'making'.  Remember, you can always daydream and all those daydreams make a wonderful garden for creative growth.  What a beautiful and creative family you are growing! 

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  4.  beautifully shared Michelle, thank you... now, where's your blog to pass on all these experiences/insights?! ;o)  love to your crew!

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  5.  Hullo!  Thanks for those sweet words... and YES, that show will be June 3.4th I believe in our city.. I'll keep you posted - we could even go together since it's on my favourite street downtown! ;o)
    Safe trip across the pond!

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  6.  I think you're pretty balanced... but I may be biased - cuz I love you soo much! ;o)  Lil' sis will not ruin Reg's life... we'll make sure to help out and return the favour! xoxo

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  7.  Yes please!! I'm 2 & a half weeks away now, you'll know when I'm there because you'll receive a barrage of annoying questions :) I apologise in advance! x

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  8.  haha.. deal!! ;o)

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  9. Aw honey! Any sacrifice is hard, especially when you need to give up or postpone something you are passionate about or feel you 'need' to do. Thankfully you have two bright eyed babes and a gorgeous husband to soften the blow! And seriously the projects that you decide are WORTH your precious time will be so much the better!
    Email forthcoming, I just need to polish it till it's shiny cause I'm endearingly obsessive compulsive!!!!

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  10. Yes, adjusting to that second kid needs a little more focus I think. You can still make stuff, right, just for a later date?  I did one or two craft shows and never felt that high anyway so I guess I can't totally understand. I make (a very large number of) things but without the pressure of time in a lot of ways...... I'm sure you will come out ahead! 

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  11.  True true.. those babes in my nest are definitely worth any 'sacrifice'... tho its not really a sacrifice if I give up something to GAIN a better prize is it? ;o)  Yippee on  'polished email' (tho no pressure!)... I was fearing you got scared of by my desperate 'lets be friends' stalker mode!! heheh.
    Happy weekend'ing friend!

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  12.  Hi Naomi,  Yes that's exactly it.. still making things - but at the less pressured pace is key.  Thanks for the encouragement - have a beauty weekend! ;o)

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  13.    Hi
    Naomi,  Yes that's exactly it.. still making things - but at the less
    pressured pace is key.  Thanks for the encouragement - have a beauty
    weekend! ;o)

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