confessions [of a mama] part.9.

So, I'm not a big fan of 'posing' or making my blog a showcase for my face ... but I know it helps me connect better to a blogger when I get to see them once and a while instead of just posts about all the stuff they're doing.creating.exploring.... right?  Anyway, so this was me posing the other day and documenting where my gut has grown to at the SIX month mark now!  The lighting was quite lovely in our breezeway that morning...  I was even wearing my d.i.y tablecloth skirt.... mind-blowing, I know.

But this is the lucky 'capture' ... where the room - and my face -  illuminated to see my daughter come in from her nap... all fluffy haired and sleepy eyed... looking for her mama (with Daddy as her guide).  She's been my clingy-koala all week...(teething.turning two...who knows).

(You may recognise Azriel's outfit from yesterday's Small Style post)

Three years ago I would not have recognised myself in this shot.  

Sure, I would not have been holding this daughter or 'wombing' this soon-to-be-son.... but also because I would not have dreamed I'd be this person. this mama.

See, I never wanted to have kids originally... there's my confession.  Three years ago our newly married selves figured all we needed/wanted was each other.  We shied away from our friends with kids - I was never the eager one to hold a new baby.. fearing I'd likely mangle it with an awkward attempt at holding them!

A little back-history.

  I never dreamed of birthing my own children,

but I still dreamed of running a future foster home... 

I had eight years of being involved in youth work/ministry

and felt like a 'mama' to many of those youth.  

I just never felt that maternal clock beating in my own heart (or womb?).

So what changed?  Well, the timely words of some close friends... asking why we were against having kids if God calls them a "blessing" was one nudge.  Lots of thinking.praying.wrestling about my fears.hopes.assumptions (like," I'm going to screw our kids up!!")... and then we just decided to be 'open' to the idea.

'Open' then meant - "Omigosh we're PREGNANT!" one month later!  Talk about divine comedy.  Much like yesterdays' musings... I still look back and wonder how this could be. 

Ben and I.. the nuts that we are... now raising a family.

But I wouldn't want it any other way.

My heart has grown in ways I didn't know it could.

Living.loving.giving.growing a family is such a blessing.

Who knew I could be so changed?

the growing mama (belly, heart and all)

Mel ;o)